every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
