Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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