did you get engaged???
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
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Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
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Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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