I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
