Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
