my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
