I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
