It's Friday. Sex?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
