**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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