Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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