So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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