I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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