i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
