wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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