Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
