Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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