I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
