My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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