I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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