Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
All the doctor said was why
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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