I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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