every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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