Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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