My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
