You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
