At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
