I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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