I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
