just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
