My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
