I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
