im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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