I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
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I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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