By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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