She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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