This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
