just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
