I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
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fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize