Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He kissed a someone with a penis
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
