Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
