I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
