is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
