i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
