At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm getting married
To pizza
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
