I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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