Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
