im about as happy as oj after his trial
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
