her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
