I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....