girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
