I look better un-naked...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
