I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
