Soap is not a condiment
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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