i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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