somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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