i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
