in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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