I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
