Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
