I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
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