it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
