I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
