Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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